I still remember my first day on the tennis court as a coach. I was 17-years-old, and being interviewed by Ted Hoehn, the director of the tennis camp I had applied to. As an interview, I had to teach a group of adults for a morning.
Before I started, Ted went through a few of the basic rules all his coaches had to follow. They all boiled down to one basic truism that has followed me ever since: "For every negative you say, tell them four positive things, too."
Less than an hour later, I was on the court, trying to think of one positive thing I could say about some of the backhands I saw, let alone four! I did my best, which must have been OK, because Ted gave me the job.
Since then, I have coached a number of different sports, including track and field, swimming, cycling, and triathlon. I follow my "four positive/one negative" rule for all of these sports. I am amazed how often I come across coaches who don't seem to have anything positive to say at the best of times. As a parent, I know that my children won't be spending any time at their gyms, pools or tracks.
Being positive is so important when dealing with athletes. It is even more important for youngsters who are just entering sports for the first time. A positive experience requires some sort of success, which, in the sports world, comes from mastering the basic skills of the activity. If your child comes back from her first soccer practice having successfully kicked a ball into the net, she will feel good about the activity, and want to do it again. If she spent the entire practice chasing after more developed children and never got to touch the ball ... well, you probably can envision the result. In the first scenario, the success your child feels on the soccer field will do a lot for her sense of self-esteem.
I hope the days of throwing a basketball into the centre of the gym and telling two kids to pick teams are over (a sure way to destroy the self-esteem of the last person picked), but I fear there are still some coaches and gym teachers out there who haven't grasped the basics of coaching: teach the basic skills of the sport first, and always be positive.
If your child is going to be involved in sports (and they really should be!), you must read a book called "Building a Solid Foundation for Sporting Success: a guide for parents of young children," by David Carmichael. Using the analogy of building a good foundation for an office building, Carmichael lays out the basics for creating a positive atmosphere for your child's sporting career through the development of basic skills.
According to Carmichael, the director of research and development for the Ontario Physical and Health Education Association, children with high self-esteem appear to be: confident, secure, assertive, creative, high achievers, problem solvers, action oriented, independent, interdependent, respectful, trustful and active participants -- traits I'm sure we would all like to foster in our children. Where does sport come in?
"By emphasizing the sportself with young children, you will be helping them feel good about the whole self when they get older," Carmichael writes.
"With children, self-esteem can be most effectively developed if winning is de-emphasized," he continues. "Too much formal competition, where winning is the most important thing, favours early developers ... Early maturing children usually occupy starting positions on competitive sports teams, while late maturers get cut, sit on the bench or, in less structured programs, are picked last." (I couldn't help but think of what might have happened to Michael Jordan if he hadn't been such a driven athlete -- he was cut from his high school basketball team!)
Avoiding a "win-at-all costs environment" is one of the many important messages Carmichael points out in his book. Basically, you need to find a sports program that is structured so children are developing the skills that will help them be successful in the long run, and provide them with positive feedback along the way.
The bottom line? Make sure your child has fun with sports. If the activity is too hard, they will be frustrated. Too easy, and they will be bored. It sounds so simple, but it doesn't take long to forget.
"Building a Solid Foundation for Sporting Success" is a great book
because it does more than just describe the
way to create a positive sporting environment. The last section of the book
includes 50 "Sportability" challenges for kids.
These challenges are the basic skills required for gymnastics, track and field,
and team sports. These basic skills will
provide the foundation for success in sports later on. In the same way that you
can't build an office tower from the top
down, you can't expect children to be successful at sports without learning the
basics. Make sure you don't put your kids
in the no-win situation where they have to try!