When we were kids, life was pretty simple. Sure, my parents used to take me to swimming lessons. There was also a music class I used to go to as a kid. I had those weekly activities, but I also remember that there was lots of time for playing. I have fond memories of spending hours in our basement, making imaginary houses and forts and ... well, I'm sure you did the same, too. There were times that I even -- brace yourselves for this one -- watched television!
These days parenting has been taken to a new extreme. REAL parents have children with a social schedule that rivals that of the beleaguered British royalty. There are gym classes, swim classes, toddler play groups, soccer games, library programs and so much more. Regular conversations with other parents often leave me concerned that I'm just not doing enough for and with my daughter. (Although she is getting pretty good playing Dr. Seuss' ABC CD-ROM on my computer -- whoops, I guess I'm just as guilty as those other overachieving parents!)
That's why every parent on the planet needs to read Fred G. Gosman's book "How to Be a Happy Parent ... in Spite of Your Children!" Gosman puts parenting into perspective. It is a refreshing reminder that being a good parent is not based on how many extra-curricular activities your child participates in; that children who develop talents later often become the most competent; that children thrive on enforced rules as opposed to complex negotiations; and that children who have experienced everything that is legally possible by the time they are 13-years-old will undoubtedly make some poor decisions in their teenage years.
Gosman brings few credentials to his work -- he jokingly refers to himself as a C.F.R.H. (a concerned father with a receding hairline) -- but few authors have a more realistic view of what parenting is all about. If you're looking for some deep rooted psychological effects that your parenting practices might have on your children, avoid this book! Here is a common sense approach to being a parent. While all of the strategies outlined might not work for you, most of them will.
The book is written in an easy, free-form style that incorporates hundreds of successful stories from parents. It is funny, optimistic, and "uplifting." Each chapter ends with a few "Points to Remember", which should be itemized and put on every fridge in the country. If you are looking for an easy read that will make you a better, more relaxed parent, pick up Gosman's book.
"Father's Day: notes from a new dad in the real world" by Bill McCoy is less a "how-to" book as it is a "this-is-how-I-did-it" book. McCoy is an editor with Parents magazine, and this series of essays recount his experiences as a new dad. As I worked my way through the book, I couldn't help but see the similarities of my own experience.
"...there are a lot of new dads who'd love nothing better than the chance to shoot the breeze with another new dad-- someone with whom they could compare notes, maybe even get a little philosophical midway through the second beer," McCoy writes in the introduction. "... this book is intended to start that conversation."
McCoy manages to tell us what's on his mind in a touching and humorous way. He comes up with some very poignant observations (how's this for an example: "... the most important prerequisite for bringing children up well is not which gender you are, but what kind of parent you want to be") that hit home to us dads who agree. That's what this book seems to be all about -- making dads think about how they are parenting, and helping us realize that we probably are doing a pretty good job.
That is the message I enjoyed most from these two books -- two fathers managed to convince me that it was OK to feel the way I do at certain times, and that as long as I keep doing my realistic best, I'm not going to go too far wrong.