Ever had one of those days. You know, one of those days when your four-month-old had a really rough night, so you felt like you got no sleep, your two-year-old decided that she really would rather not get dressed, had no interest in food, and seemed oblivious to the fact that you were supposed to meet all her friends at the park?
Days that begin in such a haphazard way tend to end much the same. Typically, by 10 PM, both my wife and I are really not ready to handle my daughter's third trip downstairs saying she can't sleep. We take turns putting her back in bed, explain to her that it is time to close her eyes, and hope like crazy that she can get to sleep!
A friend of ours, feeling exasperated with her two kids, had the situation explained to her by her then eight-year-old son: "Mom," he said, "Life is test of patience." That enlightened outlook is hard to keep in mind when you're in the midst of "one of those days."
I wish I could suggest a book that would make those days a thing of the past, but I can't. There are, though, some great resources that will help you figure out how to handle things a little better.
The first key to positive parenting is understanding what exactly your child is going through at any given time. If you have a three-year-old in your house, you should have a look at Susan E. Gottlieb's book, "Keys to Parenting Your Three Year Old." Gottlieb, a pediatrician with the New York University School of Medicine, offers a detailed look at the development of a three-year-old. She answers just about every question you might ask -- everything from motor development to sleep to birthday parties is covered.
Gottlieb has obviously spent a lot of time with three-year-olds. Each chapter cites a real-life example that will no doubt hit home for parents. She provides a positive, pro-active solution to each of the problems raised, which is exactly what many of us are looking for when we run into problems.
There is a lot covered in the book, which is a strength and a weakness. Sometimes you might find yourself wanting a bit more. Gottlieb has provided an extensive list of resources, books and videos that can help you find more detail when you need it.
For a simple, common sense, and complete list of keys for parenting a three-year-old, you would be well advised to pick up this book. At $7.95, it is one of the best investments you could make for your child.
Another book that will definitely help with those "test-of-patience days" is called "Gentle Discipline: 50 Effective Techniques for Teaching Your Children Good Behavior." As opposed to emphasizing discipline, what this book, written by Dawn Lighter, really offers is a straightforward, common sense approach to encouraging good behaviour in your kids.
What is really great about the book is the positive approach that it encourages. The fifty techniques include: ten ways to avoid conflict by offering distractions, choices, or simply getting away for a couple of minutes; ten ways to improve communications -- things like saying "no" and meaning it; four ways to change your child's environment to shape their behaviour more appropriately; sixteen ways of using consequences to encourage appropriate behaviour and discourage inappropriate behaviour; and, finally, ten ways to meet your needs as a parent so that you can feel your best and function better.
Lighter describes the "bag of tricks" we all use to discipline, distract
and steer our children's behaviours in certain
directions. By reading her book, you will no doubt add many useful "tricks" to
your own "bag", which will make those days
where life truly is a test of patience a little easier to get through.